Shadows Of The Past
by KathrynA
Summary: ~R/J Future Fic~ After their sudden, abrupt breakup, Jess returns to Stars Hollow five years later, and Rory learns all is not what it seems. Through a series of events they are thrown together, and they must confront the past.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Shadows Of The Past  
  
Author: Kathryn  
  
Summary: Six years ago Jess had broken up with her, and Rory had always wondered what went wrong. Now, on the eve of Luke and Lorelai's wedding, he returns to town, and Rory must piece together exactly why he left, while being drawn to him through mysterious circumstances. Will the two of them find their way back to each other?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, because if I did, Jess would obviously be getting a lot more screen time. ;)  
  
Authors Note: Well, if you couldn't already guess, this fic takes place in the future. Everything will be explained, so just read on. ( Oh, and leaving a review would be nice as well, keeps me motivated!  
  
~*~  
  
"Where did I put those hair pins? I know they've got to be around here somewhere."  
  
"Mom, relax. You look beautiful," Rory Gilmore assured her mother, who was in the process of frantically running around the house; a cheese sandwich sticking halfway out of her mouth. It was not a pleasant sight, to see her mother absorbed in such total chaos. "Why don't you relax? Sit down, have a glass of water, put your mind at ease."  
  
"How can I relax when the wedding is TOMORROW?" Lorelai asked in exasperation, picking up her checklist off the coffee-table and running her eyes down the table of contents. "Do you realize how soon that is? Do you?"  
  
"Mom, Luke loves you," Rory said, as if she were talking to a little girl. "He's not going to care about tiny little details such as whether you got the right icing for the cake. So chill. You're just stressing yourself out."  
  
Lorelai threw her hands up in the air, before plopping herself down on an oversized sofa, apparently having given up. She took a bite of the sandwich and chewed stiffly, not looking relaxed at all. "You're right, you're right, okay? I -am- making a mountain out of a molehill. But I can't help it. I'm just so happy."  
  
"I'm glad you're seeing things my way," Rory said with a laugh, knowing her mother would never change. Even at age 40, Lorelai Gilmore had more energy than most teenagers. "This is the night before your wedding, you should be enjoying yourself."  
  
Finishing up the sandwich, Lorelai nodded her head. "I know. So from here on out, I'm gonna be Miss Party Gal. Nothing can stop me.from, uh, partying."  
  
Rory chuckled. "That's the spirit."  
  
Lorelai's eyes locked back on the checklist, her face growing paler. Rory had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. So much for Miss Party Gal.  
  
"So, I checked with Sookie to have someone watch over the Inn while you were on your honeymoon," Rory told her, hoping that mentions of the word 'honeymoon' would bring her mother out of her stressful state.  
  
"Good. I just hope I don't lose too much money from my time away."  
  
Rory was now growing exasperated with her mother. "Mom! This is your honeymoon. You're supposed to be thinking happy thoughts, not worrying about work. Besides, the Inn has been doing great lately. In fact, it has been for the past four years, so stop worrying."  
  
"It has ever since you came to work," Lorelai commented with some pride. Although co-running the Inn with her mother hadn't always been Rory's ideal job, the past few years it had skyrocketed in profit thanks to the youngest Gilmore daughter. Apparently people from all across the country loved the idea of a mother-daughter business, and had flocked from every which way to visit. Years later, Rory loved now her job, and was happy that she had taken the job her mother had offered to her.  
  
Things had a funny way of working out. Six years ago, Rory could have never imagined herself working alongside her mother at the Inn. That had been the last thing she had wanted. She had had dreams back then - big dreams, in fact, and she thought that she would actually have a chance to fulfill them. Boy, was she wrong.  
  
She wasn't sure when things started to spiral out of control, or how, just that they did. Her dreams of going to Harvard had been just that - dreams, as she had soon found out when she had received their rejection letter. Same thing with Yale. And since didn't have any backup schools, she was without a clear path.no directions to follow. For the first time in her life Rory had been without a gameplan, and that had scared her shitless.  
  
But things had all worked out for the best. Here she was, six years later, co-running a successful business with her mother. She had nothing to complain about. Still, she had to wonder sometimes, what her life might have been like if she had chosen a different path.  
  
"So, I suppose I should tell you," Lorelai's voice interrupted Rory's thoughts, jolting her. "Jess is going to be at the wedding. Luke told me earlier this afternoon, and I didn't know how to break the news to you. I just thought you should know."  
  
Rory nodded her head, although she wasn't really paying attention to anything her mother had to say after that. Her stomach lurched, and she thought she was going to be sick. Jess - here in Stars Hollow? At the wedding? After all this time? Rory's head was buzzing with questions she knew she would never get answers to.  
  
The one thing she did know is that she wasn't ready to see Jess. Not yet. Even though their breakup had been over five years ago, the pain was still raw. He had hurt her bad, in ways he could never imagine, and she had never fully recovered. Sure, she had dated from time to time, but nothing had ever been serious. Not as serious as what she and Jess had shared, anyway.  
  
God, she still loved him. Even after all this time, even after he had broken her heart, she still loved the bastard. How could she not? They had never gotten proper closure for their relationship. One minute he was breaking up with her, and the next, he had left Stars Hollow altogether. That was it. No good-byes. No thanks-for-the-two-year-relationship. Nothing. After all the time they had been together, she had never expected him to break up with her. As far as she knew, they had been perfectly fine. Sure, they had fought like most normal couples do, but it was never anything major. Never anything she could have seen him ending their relationship over.  
  
And the breakup had been so abrupt, too. One moment, they were happy and in love, and the next, he was saying things just weren't working out between them. What the hell was that? Be damned if she knew. He had never given her a proper explanation for their breakup. Was there even one? Maybe he had just gotten tired of her. Decided she wasn't good enough for him. That was entirely possible. After all, her mother had warned her about Jess. Maybe she should be listened.  
  
It was too late to dwell on that now, though. Years had passed and she doubted he even thought of her anymore. He sure as hell hadn't bothered to call. Not that she expected him to. What would they have to talk about, anyways? It was better just to leave it alone. Who cares if she still loved him? Love was for fools. That's what her inner-cynic was telling her, and she was starting to believe it was right. After all, her social calendar hadn't exactly been bursting the past several years. Maybe that was some kind of sign - that she was supposed to run a successful business and nothing more. Who needed romance? She sure didn't.  
  
At least one good thing had happened over the years. Luke and Lorelai had finally admitted their feelings. It had taken awhile, but once everything was out in the open between them, nothing had stopped their relationship from blossoming. They had been going out the past three years - engaged for one - and finally their wedding night was upon them. Rory was glad her mother had finally gotten some happiness. She deserved it.  
  
"Honey, are you okay?" Lorelai asked her daughter, concern evident in her voice. Lorelai knew how hard the breakup had been on Rory, which was why she hadn't wanted to reveal that Jess was coming to Stars Hollow. It would only cause unnecessary pain, and tomorrow was supposed to be a happy occasion.  
  
"I'm fine, Mom," Rory said stiffly, not wanting to reveal any emotion. She was through crying over Jess Mariano, that was for certain. "Just fine." 


	2. Chapter Two

Title: Shadows Of The Past  
  
Author: Kathryn  
  
Summary: Six years ago Jess had broken up with her, and Rory had always wondered what went wrong. Now, on the eve of Luke and Lorelai's wedding, he returns to town, and Rory must piece together exactly why he left, while being drawn to him through mysterious circumstances. Will the two of them find their way back to each other?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, because if I did, Jess would obviously be getting a lot more screen time. ;)  
  
Authors Note: Well, if you couldn't already guess, this fic takes place in the future. Everything will be explained, so just read on. Oh, and leaving a review would be nice as well, keeps me motivated!  
  
~*~  
  
The highway was dark and deserted, but Jess Mariano actually preferred it that way. It would give him time to think about the situation that lay before him. After all, he was heading back to Stars Hollow, of all places. He never thought he would set foot in that crummy little town ever again, but here he was, on his way to his Uncle's wedding, despite his better judgment. Too many bad memories - well, bittersweet, actually. There had been plenty of good memories there, too, but the bad always tended to overwrite the good, didn't it? When he thought back to that place he was filled with shame and self-loathing, for all the things he had done or hadn't been able to do.  
  
Things had been going so good for him for awhile. He was getting along better with Luke; he had a girlfriend who he loved dearly. So why did he screw everything up with one careless mistake? Well, a series of mistakes, actually, but they were all tied into one thing, and that was money. And how to make more of it. He had gotten himself mixed up in some pretty terrible things, and unfortunately, he had paid the price. Now his life was empty and filled with loneliness, but he couldn't exactly feel sorry for himself. He had nobody other than himself to blame for his mistakes, after all.  
  
To think, it had all been for a girl, too. Rory had been going through a pretty tough spot in her life - she had just gotten rejected from Harvard, and was without a job. He thought he could make some quick cash and help her out a bit. Maybe they could have even gotten a place together. He smiled to himself. He would have liked that. Now it would never be a possibility, though. Nothing that involved Rory Gilmore could ever be a possibility again. He had to make sure of that, for her safety.  
  
Which is why he planned to whiz in and out of town as quickly as he could, with as little damage as possible. There was no use sticking around and reliving old memories; he would only torture himself. He would stay for the wedding and leave right afterwards, that would be the best thing to do. Maybe he wouldn't even have to talk to her - if he was lucky. He wasn't sure if he could control himself when he was around her. She had this way about her that drove him absolutely nuts. In a good way, of course. She had been the first person to really get under his skin when he first went to Stars Hollow, and he hadn't been able to get her out of his mind ever since. She was a tricky one, that Rory Gilmore.  
  
He missed her like hell.  
  
~*~  
  
Truth be told, Rory didn't feel like dancing or partying or anything right at the moment. But here she was, out at some nightclub with her mother, ready to party the night away, at Lorelai's suggestion. Apparently Lorelai had taken her Miss Party Gal title quite seriously, and had arranged a last minute bachlorette party. Since it was last minute, only a few people were able to attend; those included Lane and Sookie. Rory was glad, because she really wasn't ready for a big party scene that night, and a crowd would only further irritate her nerves. She knew she was being selfish - it was, after all, the night before her mother's wedding - but she was in a horrible mood and just wanted the rest of the night to sulk.  
  
"I'm glad we decided to come," Lorelai said, raising a glass of punch to her lips. "I could really use a pick-me-upper after the funk I was in. Thanks for suggesting it, Rory."  
  
"Hey, I didn't suggest anything," Rory said modestly, sitting cross-legged in one of the hard brown chairs. "I merely said you should chill out a bit. The party idea was all your own."  
  
"Well, I thought we should do something fun. After all, this is my last night as a single woman." An evil glint appeared in Lorelai's eyes as she eyed the male dancers.  
  
"Don't get any ideas, Mom," Rory laughed. "No matter how enticing they may be."  
  
Lorelai stuck her tongue out at her daughter. "Spoilsport."  
  
"Well, as the only person here who is currently single, I feel a certain obligation to keep wandering eyes right where they belong," Rory said, and she had to admit that the word 'single' still stung a bit. She wasn't used to applying it to herself yet, and it had been five years.  
  
"Hey, my eyeballs remain firmly in their sockets," Lane said jokingly. "I'm perfectly happy with Dave, thankyouverymuch."  
  
Picking at a dish of peanuts, Rory turned to her best friend. It had been awhile since they had talked. She had been busy with the Inn - and Lane had been busy with whatever, and they hadn't gotten a chance to talk much recently. "So how have things been going with Dave lately?" Rory asked.  
  
"Good."  
  
"He's been treating you well, I hope," Rory said, laughing.  
  
"Oh yes," Lane beamed, getting a far-off look in her eyes, probably thinking about Dave. "He always does the sweetest little things for me, Rory. Like a few days ago he brought home a dozen tulips from work - there was no special ocassion or anything, he just wanted to. That's the type of guy he is. He makes me feel wonderful."  
  
Rory looked down at her lap, feeling the slightest bit of envy course through her veins. She knew it was silly - she was the one who ASKED, after all - but she had always been terribly jealous of Lane and Dave's relationship ever since her breakup with Jess. Her friend had the seemingly picture-perfect existence, and sometimes Rory envied her so badly for it.  
  
"Rory, I'm sorry," Lane said softly when she saw her friend's sullen expression. "I shouldn't be going on and on about myself. God, I must sound like such an egomaniac-"  
  
"No, it's okay," Rory interrupted her, feeling guilty. What the hell was wrong with her? She should be HAPPY her friend had found the man of her dreams. Why did she have to be so bitter? "It's not you. Really. I just received some, uh, news earlier, and I was kind of in the dumps about that."  
  
"What kind of news?" Lane asked. "It doesn't have something to do with the Inn, does it?"  
  
Rory shook her head; work was the last thing on her mind. "No, it's nothing like that. In fact, it's nothing. I'm probably making a big deal out of something that doesn't even matter, so let's just drop it."  
  
Lorelai just eyed her skeptically, but didn't say a word. Rory would talk when she was ready.  
  
"If it makes you feel so bad then it can't be nothing," Lane pointed out, having no clue as to what was really going on.  
  
"Who said it was making me feel bad? I didn't say anything about feeling bad-"  
  
"Gosh, Rory, don't be so defensive," Lane rolled her eyes. "It was only a question. Nothing more."  
  
Rory finally relented. Lane was right, she WAS overreacting. Big time. "It's Jess, okay? Jess will be at the wedding. There, I said it. It's out in the open."  
  
Lane threw her friend a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry."  
  
"No, don't be. I shouldn't be such a drama-queen. It happened a long time ago. It shouldn't matter now."  
  
"But it still hurts, doesn't it?" Lane asked quietly.  
  
"Yeah." 


	3. Chapter Three

Title: Shadows Of The Past  
  
Author: Kathryn  
  
Summary: Six years ago Jess had broken up with her, and Rory had always wondered what went wrong. Now, on the eve of Luke and Lorelai's wedding, he returns to town, and Rory must piece together exactly why he left, while being drawn to him through mysterious circumstances. Will the two of them find their way back to each other?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, because if I did, Jess would obviously be getting a lot more screen time. ;)  
  
Authors Note: Well, if you couldn't already guess, this fic takes place in the future. Everything will be explained, so just read on. Oh, and leaving a review would be nice as well, keeps me motivated!  
  
~*~  
  
'God, I'm becoming so paranoid,' Rory thought to herself the next morning, as she stood outside the Stars Hollow church, anxiously looking around for a certain someone. Jess, to be exact. She didn't know what she would do when she finally found him; she only knew she wanted time to prepare herself before that actually happened. She was to look smart, successful, and not at all broken-hearted. Jess would never know the damage he had done to her all those years ago. She would make sure of it.  
  
In the meantime, she was looking forward to celebrating this joyous occasion with her mother. She had to admit, the place looked beautiful. They had planned to have an outdoor wedding, and it had really paid off. The entire ground was lined with an array of white flowers; the tables packed with fresh food and satin tablecloth, and a sweet tune floated through the air. The whole place looked so peaceful and charming. Rory loved it.  
  
"My, my, don't you look incredible," Richard Gilmore said, coming up behind his granddaughter. Rory smiled at him. Even after all these years, Richard managed to appear as dignified as ever, never letting old age slow him down.  
  
"Thanks, Grandpa."  
  
"Have you seen your mother around?" he asked, gazing around the yard where people had started to gather. "I want to see her one last time before she ties the knot."  
  
Rory shook her head. "No, I haven't seen her in awhile. I'm pretty sure she's inside getting ready with Sookie."  
  
"I guess I shall see her when she finally decides to come out," Richard said. "Well, then, I suppose I should get back to Emily and leave you to mingle with the guests. It was nice seeing you, Rory."  
  
"You too, Grandpa."  
  
With that, she was left alone with her thoughts, no matter how depressing they were.  
  
~*~  
  
"I look like a damn fool in this monkeysuit."  
  
"Uncle Luke, would you just relax? You look fine," Jess said, exasperated. Truth be told, he didn't really feel comfortable sporting a tuxedo, either, but it wasn't the end of the world or anything. They were inside, making last minute preparations for the wedding, and he couldn't get Luke to calm down.  
  
"How am I supposed to get married if I look like a lunatic?" Luke asked, pointing to himself in the mirror with disgust. "Look at that tie. It looks two sizes too big."  
  
"I'm sure Lorelai will marry you, even if your tie is two sizes too big."  
  
Luke rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Jess."  
  
"Anytime."  
  
Throwing his hands up in the air, Luke let out a long breath. "I am being a little ridiculous, aren't I?" he said after a minute, feeling a tad foolish.  
  
"Just a little."  
  
"I hate to tell you this, but that's what being in love does to you. It turns you into a total freak," Luke said with a smile. "But in a good way."  
  
"Gee, now I just can't wait to find that special someone," Jess said, a tinge of sarcasm to his voice. He went over to the long, full-sized mirror and studied his hair, a blank expression on his face. All this talk about love was sort of depressing him. It brought back memories.memories he didn't want to relive. "No thanks, but I think I'll pass."  
  
Luke chuckled. "You know, I never would have pegged you as the hearts and flowers type of guy. But then I saw you with Rory, and well.it surprised me, okay? It brought out something in you that I didn't even know was there."  
  
Jess felt a pang of bitterness jab at his guy. "Why are you bringing this up now? My relationship with Rory ended a long time ago. A very long time ago, in fact. That's it; there's nothing more there." Now he was starting to get a little angry, but he couldn't help it. Whenever someone brought up Rory he automatically got defensive. It still hurt, hearing her name, even after all these years. Whoever said time heals all wounds must have been smoking some pretty serious crack.  
  
"Are you sure about that?"  
  
"Of course I'm sure!" Jess snapped. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, it's just.you haven't been in a serious relationship since you two broke up all those years ago. It just made me curious, that's all," Luke said, with some uneasiness. Jess shifted, feeling the tension wrap around the room.  
  
"I don't know what you're getting at, Uncle Luke. If you're implying that I still hold out a torch for the youngest Gilmore.don't even go. Rory and I broke up a long time ago. End of story."  
  
"You keep saying that."  
  
"Because you won't get it through your thick head that it's OVER!" Jess yelled, a little too loudly, carrying over the entire church area. He shrank back, embarrassed. Yet again, he let his emotions get the best of him. He really had to stop this.  
  
After a moment of silence, Luke finally spoke up. "Look, I'm sorry, Jess. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard."  
  
"Good, then we understand each other. Now, if you're through playing Dr. Love, are you ready to get this wedding started?"  
  
Luke just nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be," he said.  
  
~*~  
  
Outside, Rory flinched; almost spilling her drink over her light blue bridesmaid gown in the process. She thought she heard a voice - a voice that sounded strangely like Jess's - and it unnerved her.  
  
Why was she doing this to herself? He was going to show up eventually. She couldn't just sit out here, jumping at every sound she heard, or she would end up driving herself insane.  
  
Suddenly, she heard Ms. Patty's booming voice float across the yard. "Okay, people, take your seats, the bride as arrived," she announced. "Places, places, this wedding will get started in just a few moments."  
  
Rory swallowed the lump in her throat, feeling nervous anticipation coarse through her veins. This was it, almost show-time. In a matter of minutes, her mother would no longer be Lorelai Gilmore. She would be Lorelai Gilmore Danes. That thought was so scary. For so long it had been just the two of them. What would happen once they brought someone new into the picture?  
  
Of course, she knew she was silly to worry so much. Luke made Lorelai happy, and that was all that really mattered, wasn't it? For so long she figured her mother would never settle down, that she would be forever a free spirit, and now here she was, about to be married.  
  
From where she stood next to Sookie, she had a clear view of all the people who had attended the wedding. Her eyes scattered over the crowd, searching for someone - no, it was stupid, she mentally chided herself. Stop looking. Just stop it right now. She bit down nervously on her lip, knowing she was being foolish. If she saw him, it would just be Jess; the boy she had dated for a few years. It wouldn't be a big deal, really.  
  
And then she saw Luke walking down the aisle, and Jess was with him, all dark and handsome like she always remembered him being. Rory's fingers shook, but she didn't let herself lose control. She avoided his gaze like the plaque - not that he was even looking at her, she reminded herself. He probably had so many other things on his mind that he hadn't even noticed her yet.  
  
Feeling the panic tighten in her stomach, she concentrated on keeping it cool. 'Just stay calm, Rory, and everything will be okay,' she told herself. This was going to be a long wedding, indeed. 


	4. Chapter Four

Title: Shadows Of The Past  
  
Author: Kathryn  
  
Summary: Six years ago Jess had broken up with her, and Rory had always wondered what went wrong. Now, on the eve of Luke and Lorelai's wedding, he returns to town, and Rory must piece together exactly why he left, while being drawn to him through mysterious circumstances. Will the two of them find their way back to each other?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, because if I did, Jess would obviously be getting a lot more screen time. ;)  
  
Authors Note: Well, if you couldn't already guess, this fic takes place in the future. Everything will be explained, so just read on. Oh, and leaving a review would be nice as well, keeps me motivated!  
  
~*~  
  
Rory had been wrong when she thought Jess hadn't noticed her. She had been the first thing he had seen upon entering the yard; her hair long and swept back from her face, her cheeks rosy and her skin fair and creamy white. His heart sped up a little bit then, when he saw her, and he had to fight to keep hold of his emotions. How had she, after all these years, managed to stay so beautiful? So perfect? The years had only added to her beauty and made his desire for her intensify.  
  
He stood beside Luke and watched as Lorelai came down the aisle towards her awaiting groom, although his mind was already on other matters. Seeing Rory for the first time, in god knows how long, had really jolted. He hadn't expected to have this kind of reaction, not really. Although he had been anticipating his return to Stars Hollow since Luke had called and invited him to the wedding, the full reality hadn't set in until now. Here she was, in the flesh, and he could barely keep his emotions in check. Not a good thing for someone who was trying to keep his distance.  
  
His eyes never left her face as Luke and Lorelai began to exchange vows. He could tell she was avoiding eye contact, but every few seconds she would peak over, and then quickly snap her head away. He knew that he was making her uncomfortable, although he didn't know what to do to ease the awkwardness. What COULD he do? Stop looking away? Stop starring at her? Leave altogether? He couldn't very well do that; it was his uncle's wedding, after all. But there had to be a way to ease the discomfort, there just had to. He used to know her so well. but now he didn't have a clue.  
  
~*~  
  
Flashback: Five years ago.  
  
It was a hazy summer night, and Rory lay in the crook of his arm, resting her head on the back of her shoulder. Outside on the back porch, all was quiet; the only sound to be heard was their faint breathing. Jess felt relaxed, more relaxed than he had in years. How had it become this natural to be with someone? He let out a contented sigh as his thumb playfully inched along the corner of her forehead; fingering the fine threads of brown hair that had come loose from her ponytail.  
  
"Mmmm?" she murmured, still half asleep. "What?"  
  
"Nothing," Jess said, his fingers brushing her neck as his other arm tightened around her in a protective grip. "I just like watching you sleep."  
  
She raised her head and looked up into his brown eyes, smiling to herself when she saw the hint of a smile trace his face. "So did I do anything interesting while I was asleep?"  
  
"You recited the entire Latin alphabet," he joked. "But other than that, not really."  
  
"Interesting," she said, shifting from where she sat on his lap so she could get a better view of his face. "I never would have guessed that I knew Latin, but thanks for the tip."  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments, just enjoying each other's presence. Rory leaned back fully; stretching out against him. She clasped his hand in his, entwining their fingers.  
  
"This is nice," she said softly, her voice tired. A yawn escaped her mouth, and she snuggled deeper into his embrace, her eyes drifting half shut.  
  
Looking down at her, he nodded. "Yeah, it is."  
  
She would never know just how much he meant that.  
  
~*~  
  
Had he been watching her? She was really beginning to suspect that he had been. Despite her promise to herself to stop looking at Jess every two seconds, she found herself sneaking a peak at him out of the corner of her eye every now and then.  
  
And one time, she had caught him looking right at her, his eyes full of something she couldn't quite figure out. Longing? Regret? Lust? Hate? Any one of those words could have fit. Jess was a tricky one to figure out, always had been. It was one of the reasons she had been drawn to him in the first place, but now it was driving her nuts. She wished she knew what he was thinking, so she could finally put her mind at ease. If he hated her, and wanted nothing more to do with her, then she could end these silly fantasies she was concocting in her mind. She could finally put the past to rest, where it belonged.  
  
But if he wanted her. what then? Would she just willingly go back to him, even after he had treated her so poorly? She didn't like to think about that.  
  
She was her own person now, and nobody could control her. That included Jess. If he wanted her back, well. too bad.  
  
Watching Luke and Lorelai exchange their vows, she felt a tremor of sadness wash over her. She always got like that whenever she attended weddings, and since this was her mother's, it made all that much more of an impact.  
  
Long ago, when she was young and carefree and still had big hopes, she used to think about her wedding. What her dress would be like, how big the cake would be; silly little things like that. But the one thing that would stick out in her mind would be the groom; his smiling face descending down on her, his eyes twinkling and full of love. She imagined their wedding to be the start of something, their new life together.  
  
As silly as it sounded, Jess had been the person she expected to spend the rest of her life with. Silly, deluded fantasies of a teenage girl with dreams that could never be, she realized that now. In reality, life wasn't always that simple. There were bumps and curbs on the road that, sometimes, people just couldn't get past.  
  
She knew this from first hand experience.  
  
~*~  
  
Flashback: Five years ago.  
  
"What are you saying? That you're breaking up with me?" Her voice was choked with suppressed sobs, and her hands shook, but still, she remained steady. That was just who she was. Rory Gilmore; always so poised and perfect, never cracking under any situation no matter what life dealt her way. Well, she was near cracking now, but she wouldn't let that show.  
  
"Rory, I'm sorry." Jess wouldn't even look at her, and that was the thing she hated the most. That he couldn't even be enough of a man to look her square in the eye, and tell her how he really felt. Instead, he had been avoiding eye contact; opting instead to fixate his gaze on the floor.  
  
"What do you mean you're SORRY?"  
  
"This thing - you and I - it just isn't working," Jess said evenly, his voice flat and emotionless. "We knew from the start, that this probably wouldn't work out. Both of us are just too different. Our lives are heading in two separate directions, you have to understand that-"  
  
"The only thing I understood," she said softly, but there was a force behind her voice; an intense rage mixed with sadness. "Is that I wanted my life to be with you. But I guess that wasn't good enough, huh?" Now the tears were really coming, but she didn't bother to stop them. She simply didn't CARE anymore, what she looked like.  
  
For the first time, some emotion appeared on Jess's face, and he clenched his face. "Look, Rory, I never meant to hurt you-"  
  
"Well, it's a little too late for that," she spat.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
She glared at him. "You keep saying that. But none of what you're telling me proves that you're sorry. All it proves is that you don't give a damn about my feelings."  
  
"You know that's not true."  
  
"Do I?" she snapped, looking right at him, as if trying to gage for some hidden emotion. "You don't even have the decency to tell me WHY we're breaking up. But please, do tell, Jess, because I sure as hell can't figure it out."  
  
"I told you, our lives are headed in two separate directions-"  
  
"Spare me," Rory said, causing him to flinch. She didn't realize she still had that kind of emotional power over him. "We were together for almost two years, and it sure hadn't mattered then. So why is it now, after all this time, suddenly such a big issue? I don't get you, Jess."  
  
He backed away from her, walking over to the doorway and leaning his arm against the wall. All of a sudden, he looked really, really tired. She thought that was a little strange. "There's nothing more I can tell you, and there's probably not an answer you'd accept, anyhow," he said, putting on his coat.  
  
"You're right, I don't accept it. I just don't understand how you can be in love with someone one minute, and then the next, not," Rory was on the verge of tears again as she spoke, and she bit her lip so hard that it bled. Blood had a bitter taste to it, much like the situation she was now in.  
  
"Life's fickle that way, I guess."  
  
And with that, he was gone.  
  
~*~  
  
Rory had been wrong that time, too, because in fact he had never stopped loving her. Jess had noted that bitterly on his way home the evening of their breakup, and everyday since then. He had wanted so badly to be able to take away all her pain, but had been unable too. God, she had looked so fragile and broken that night - it had just about killed him.  
  
But it was for the best. He had been a dangerous man to be around then, and still was to this day. Being with him would only hurt her more in the future, in much worse ways. So it was better to make a nice, clean break, before she got herself into serious trouble because of him. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to live with himself if something had happened to her because of his careless mistakes.  
  
So, it was better this way. That's what he kept telling himself. 


	5. Chapter Five

Title: Shadows Of The Past  
  
Author: Kathryn  
  
Summary: Six years ago Jess had broken up with her, and Rory had always wondered what went wrong. Now, on the eve of Luke and Lorelai's wedding, he returns to town, and Rory must piece together exactly why he left, while being drawn to him through mysterious circumstances. Will the two of them find their way back to each other?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, because if I did, Jess would obviously be getting a lot more screen time. ;)  
  
~*~  
  
Rory Gilmore needed wine, and lots of it. Not to say that she was an alcoholic or anything, but she could have really used a stiff drink right about then. It would have taken some of the pressure off, helped calm her nerves down. That's what she needed right now. To relax. However, due to the fact that Jess was close by, that would be nearly impossible. Every little sound or movement would just about send her off the deep end; she was a regular basket case all right.  
  
"This place is lovely, isn't it?" Emily Gilmore tapped her granddaughter on the back of the shoulder, startling her. Giving a slight jump, Rory turned around.  
  
"Uh, yes, it's very nice," she managed.  
  
"You know, I wanted to talk your mother into a big, fancy wedding, but she simply wouldn't have it," Emily continued, sipping her wine. "Turns out, she was right. This place is simply stunning, isn't it? I never knew a place like this existed in such a small town."  
  
"Yes, Grandma," Rory said politely, although, in truth, she wasn't really paying attention.  
  
Seeing her mother standing over by the food table, Rory found a perfect opportunity to slip away. Not that she didn't love her grandmother, but still - she could work on a person's last nerve at times.  
  
"Oh, look," Rory said, pointing towards her mother. "There's mom. I should go say hello."  
  
Walking towards where her mother was standing, Rory felt a hand bump her arm. Startled, she backed up, and then jumped when she felt cool liquid running down the front of her dress; soaking beneath the material and making her shiver.  
  
"I'm so sorry - it was an accident - here, let me help you."  
  
The all too familiar voice broke her out of her shock, and she looked up to meet the dark eyes of Jess, her ex-boyfriend, who was now standing directly in front of her, wearing what looked to be a concerned smile. Of course, it had to be him. She just knew the fates were working against her somehow.  
  
"Jess?" she whispered, backing away. He seemed surprised too; probably hadn't realized whom exactly he had bumped into. She saw his jaw clench.and then his face soften, somehow. Like it was the old Jess standing in front of her, the one she knew before the breakup. Of course, that was silly, because the new Jess and the old Jess were one and the same.  
  
"Here," he said, picking up a napkin off a nearby table. Reaching out her hand, she took it from him hesitantly, afraid of making the slightest movement. Or maybe she just didn't want to break the peaceful silence that had fallen between them, for whatever reason. It was nice, just being able to stare at him without any words spoken.  
  
She began to wipe herself off, avoiding eye contact. "Thanks."  
  
Eyes cast downward; he shifted uncomfortably, but made no move to leave. She didn't know whether to be thankful or disapointed. "So. how have you been, Rory?" he finally asked. She knew his question held some importance, because she could hear the emotion in his voice, causing it to crack a little. Although she didn't like to admit it, she had been going through some tough times just before he had left, and she knew he might be worried about her because of that. But, in retrospect, it was silly, because she was now perfectly fine. She didn't need his faux pity any longer.  
  
"Good," she said, nodding her head. "I've been doing good."  
  
His eyes bore into hers, and she felt a shiver run down her spine. "I mean, really. Is everything going okay? It's been awhile, I just wanted to-"  
  
"It's okay," she cut him off quickly, not wanting him to go into a further explanation of his feelings. "I'm employed now, have been for awhile, so you don't need to worry about that."  
  
"That's.great," he said, a grin appearing on his face. She thought it seemed forced; a little awkward, maybe, but she couldn't really blame him. After all, this entire situation was awkward. Finally, he cleared his throat, and this time his voice was serious. "I always knew you would bounce back. You were just having a dry spell before, that's all. So what've you been doing for a living?"  
  
"I run an Inn with my mother. I know," she said, with a small chuckle. "I didn't think it would work, either, but surprisingly enough, it's been a huge success." That in itself was true enough, she supposed. On the outside, her life appeared to be one big success story - her new business was blooming; she was young, beautiful and talented, but on the inside, she knew different.  
  
"Wow, that's cool," he said, with a surprising amount of sincerity. She hadn't expected him to actually care; she just thought he was making conversation. "Myself? I've just been drifting here and there, not really doing much. You're lucky to have found something you love doing in life - it gives you a purpose."  
  
"Yeah, lucky me," she mumbled, with some sadness.  
  
"What?"  
  
She shook her head. "Nothing. It was nothing. Just talking to myself again."  
  
"Huh."  
  
"It's been a long time since you've been back," she blurted out, the words escaping her mouth before she could even think. "I was starting to wonder if you were dead or alive."  
  
Fiddling with the hem of his shirt, he avoided eye contact. "Yeah, I've been meaning to call-"  
  
"You don't have to pretend, Jess," Rory interrupted. "It's been years since our breakup. You don't have to pretend you actually cared in order to spare my feelings. Really, I'm over it."  
  
"I DID care, Rory." he started to say something more, but then stopped himself. Instead, he just threw her a helpless look, but remained silent.  
  
"Whatever," she said, before turning around. She wasn't going to play his games anymore; she was tired of it. It was always this way with him; one minute he could be the most caring person imaginable, and then the next, a block of ice, completely shutting her out. She was tired of guessing with him, tired of getting her heart broken; tired of everything, in fact. The only thing she wanted now was closure. Some sort of answer to give herself peace of mind, so she could finally move on, without the past forever haunting her.  
  
Just as she was about to leave, she heard a voice behind her, thick with emotion. "Wait, Rory, don't leave," Jess said, desperation tinging his words. She felt her legs go weak, and once again she was putty in Jess Mariano's hands. She hated this, hated the hold he had over her. "I don't want you to."  
  
Turning around to face him, she felt a lump rising in the back of her throat. She wasn't going to cry though, not yet. "I-I have to go."  
  
And with that, she was running; past the dancing people and the tables of food, past all the pain and misery that had haunted her life for so many years, out into the unknown. She ran down the street, the wind whipping her hair, the tears stinging her eyes - and still, she did not stop until she had put some distance between herself and the church. She needed some time to think, to collect herself.  
  
Shivering, she sat down on the edge of the curb, hugging herself protectively. God, she was such a basket of nerves, it was unbelievable. Here it was, the day of her mother's wedding, and all she could think about was her own pain. She really hated herself sometimes.  
  
What had Jess wanted?  
  
That thought flashed through her mind, cutting off everything else. He had acted so different in the church, so caring. It was almost like the past hadn't even happened, and they were ready to turn over a new leaf. But she knew it was all a façade, because in reality he didn't really care about her.  
  
Or did he? 


End file.
